My Children

There is so much my heart wants to say about my children. The problem I’m having is where to start. Maybe by explaining my illness first is best. Im a 32 year old woman with Lupus and Fibromyalgia who has been married for 14 years. I didnt know I had Lupus until 2000.  And was just finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this year. Yet, the years before I was diagnosed were very rough not only for me but for my children. How do you explain to your babies mommy cant run with you, mommy is very tired, mommy cant go out into the sun or even worse. Your children watch you cry daily because of the severe pain your in. Lupus for me was very hard to accept when I finally found out. I was so angry at the world. I didnt even want to look at my children not understanding if one day they will be looking at me as weak.  I could barely stay standing to clean the home or cook.

My children for some odd reason knew my anguish. They accepted my disease with open arms. Never once embarrassed their mommy had to use a wheelchair or scooter at an Amusement Park. Instead, they made me feel it was everyone else that was odd.  Always when we went out in public they would take my hand as if to say, “Look this is my mother and we are proud.” Many times they have made me cry with such pride that they are my children.  I remember one day at the mall with my oldest son Jonathan. I was having pain in my legs and was walking slow. These kids with their father pushed me to get past. Jonathan ran up to them, patted the father on his back. As the man stopped with his kids. Jonathan says loudly, “ Maybe if someone taught you respect, you would have taught your kids some.” The man embarrassed by his rudeness walked away. Jonathan returned to my side and all he said was, “Love you mom.” I squeezed his hand and just smiled replying back, “ I love you too.”

My youngest son Kevin is just as loving. He is my special son not saying Jonathan isnt. Jonathan is just as special but in a different way. See, Kevin has his own disabilities. I wont go into detail out of respect for him. Just will tell you. Its very hard on him in school yet he strives always to do his best. Anyway, I was having a major flare and couldnt get out of bed. Kevin took care of me all day skipping school. I didnt even realize the day to know he should have been at school. He cleaned the house, made me soup and checked on me constantly being so good. But this is how Kevin is with anyone. Anna the youngest is my best friend. Of course, she is the only girl besides me so it makes sense we are..lol Anna cuddles with me. We read together, talk for hours and most of all. We share our inner most thoughts. Actually all my children share that relationship with me. Its funny you would think the kids hated each other at times the way they fight. But, when it comes down to it. We are so close being brought together by a disease I fight everyday to survive. I believe it is them that has given me that strength, courage and determination to continue. For that, I am truly gifted by God with three guardian angels.